the end.

this night seems to be begging for a second post.

it seems everyone has the same feelings these days...of apathy and depression mixed with pleasure and intimacy. but above all, i think its this overwhelming feeling of detachment that consumes us.

words are cheap and tend to be too weak or too strong.  

i agree...nothing seems adequate. emotions feel extreme at times, and extremely muted at others ...all depending on the ticking of the clock. my focus is diminished, so many things flying at me at once i choose to sit and lay and sleep and watch as the minutes turn to hours (the hours go so slowly) and yet my head just wont stop spinning unceasingly with thoughts and feelings and to-do lists and endless upon endless bouts of questioning and doubt.

however, everything seems to have added up to this overall sense of tranquil ecstasy...almost dreamlike. this weekend gave me time to step back from everything that had been overwhelming me, allowing me to see how childish and miniscule things really are. new people intrigue me, and i am reminded that i dont have to be put in a box. 

...and now when i take in a breath feeling the air on my lips as it fills my lungs and expands my chest and i just hold it there feeling my heart as it rhymically pumps life to every part of me and i listen feeling my fingers and my toes and the slight tingle down my spine and finally i exhale... i am reminded that i am alive. i am alive, and free to be myself, free to have feelings and emotions and opinions, free to dance to my own beat, free to live.

it seems i forget that all too often.

so i was thinking about posting something sappy regarding my last performance with my girls (and guys--love you pete and nick!) and how much i'm going to miss doing ballet, etc, etc.....but meh, sappy isnt really my style.

i guess ill just say that despite all of our injuries (iloveyoutinaaa) and annoyances (sashaspiece) and extreme exhaustion--we pulled off one hell of a show...i love you guys, i woulda never survived without you (you know thats true, lol).

now i suppose its time to retire the fake eyelashes....

try to catch me ridin durtaaaaaaa (hehehe christina, mo, (rach?)....good times in the dressing rooms...lol)

i can only imagine this week is going to be hell. with rehearsals and performances and a crazy stressedout mother and school and AP tests to study for ::sigh:: but its ok, because The Beatles make me happy

oh ya and if you can/want to, my spring ballet is this saturday (april 29th) at 2pm and 7pm at Tomball High School...you can buy tickets online to make life easier (in fact you might have to, i dont remember). and no matter how frustrated i am that she took out one of my solos, it will definitely be worth the 10 bucks...so you should come

so i was walking out to my car today...and, well, heres how the scene went--

some guy (i think his name is oscar? walking w/ chase queen): oooh legs..

me: **ignore**

guy: hey pretty mama!!

me: **turn around real quick before getting in my car**

guy (to chase): dude! she totally checked me out!!

lol i just couldnt help but to laugh

Warm, electric, buzzing

your body as it flows over mine

Heart over mind. Legs entwined. Your fingers find

my skin, tingling for your touch.

But my warmth is just too much.

And I’m not what you want.

Cold, passionless, chilling

the wind as it blows over me

Heart under plea. More I, less he. Just let it be

content, longing for your touch.

Because my cold is just too much.

And I’m not what you want.

hmm so something new? not quite sure if i like this...sooo we'll see how long it sticks around...

it was a good day...and evening...we'll keep the anecdotes to a minimum. lets just say i need to sharpen up my eye hand coordination so i wont have to keep running after baseballs, lol....and perhaps get myself a lake with a dock.